I am depressed.

I am depressed.
Who is depressed?
I the awareness around ... me ... ?

I'm seeing things sadly right now, but I know it is temporary.
I know there are people who have it much worse.

Sogyal Rinpoche says that many masters recommend looking at everything as if it is a dream.
It's all impermanent, the bad and good in a dream are not so nerve racking that we have to spend all our energy avoiding the bad and clinging to the good.

Just sitting for a bit with this seems to help too.

Now I'll meditate for 20 minutes and see what thoughts come up.

~ ~ ~

Now thing seem calm. Relaxed. Enjoyable.

I can appreciate simple things. Photographs in my meditation room of teachers and family. Simple designs in thanks hanging on the wall.

Nagging projects and annoying co-workers seem to be more tolerable.

I need to remember this. I need to see if I can carry the feeling (the energy) throughout the day. But I can already feel the positive energy slipping away. The pressure of the rotten routine is waiting to pour back in. Why is the effect of meditation so short lived? What am I missing that would help me feel this calm during the day?

Maybe I need to try fitting in an afternoon meditation.

But is that just masking the real problem? Like taking a pill to kill the pain rather than working to remove the root cause of the pain?

Am I depressed, really?

Can a great teacher give me information or tools to erase or cope with this state of mind?

Is it all up to me?